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Inspector Gadget
NC: Hello, I’m the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don’t have to. Let’s talk about Inspector Gadget. Footage from the show plays with the original theme song playing in the background. NC (voiceover): It was a show in the 1980s about a half-human, half-robot detective. (A poster of ''RoboCop shows up, then cuts back to the show)'' NC (voiceover): Uh... (Chuckles) No. This one was funny. (A poster of ''Robocop 3 shows up)'' NC (voiceover): INTENTIONALLY funny! (Back to footage of the TV show) NC (voiceover): It’s centered around the inspector’s bumbling antics to stop a super villain named Dr. Claw, while Gadget’s young niece, Penny, and a dog named Brain, would go behind his back and solve the crime for him. It wasn’t anything special, but, for kids, it wasn’t that bad. It had a smart, humble role model, who never got the credit, but was just happy to see justice done; it had a menacing villain you never saw, who had a pretty intimidating voice... Dr. Claw: Well, well, what a delightful surprise. NC (voiceover): ...and, of course, it had that KICK-ASS song. Singers: Go, Gadget, go! Go, Gadget, go! NC: Doing a movie on this premise, however, would be tricky, but not impossible. Great care would have to be taken. Let’s see, um...I KNOW! Let’s get that idiot who said "that’s a lot of fish" from ''Godzilla''. (An image of Matthew Broderick from the same movie is shown) And while we’re at it, why don’t we get that moron who ruined Madonna’s career? (A picture of Guy Ritchie is shown with the text "Guy Ritchie?") NC: No, the other one. (A picture of Rupert Everett is shown with the text bearing his name) NC: There ya go! And finally, let’s get one of the greatest directors of all time, the one who directed the coming-of-age classic, (poster of...) Cool As Ice (David Kellogg). (Speaks in a sarcastic, high-pitched voice) I smell genius! (The title card for ''Inspector Gadget is shown, followed by footage of the movie; all this is played over "I’ll Be Your Everything" by Youngstown)'' NC (voiceover): As if that trio of idiots wasn’t enough, this movie has horrible writing, terrible jokes, and follows the show about as closely as...well... (picture of...) CASTING JOHN LEGUIZAMO AS LUIGI! I mean, it’s BAD. This shit is really, REALLY bad. NC: So, go, go, Gadget fuck-a-movie, because we’re in for quite an experience. This is Inspector Gadget. (The opening plays with the show's theme, recomposed in the film by John Debney) NC (voiceover): So as the film begins, I have to admit, it is pretty cool hearing the theme song in a motion picture. Singers: Inspector Gadget. Whoo-hoo! NC (voiceover): But that quickly changes when we see the cockface himself, Matthew Broderick. (Matthew Broderick's character, Officer John Brown, is shown cheerfully patrolling the town streets as cheerful people pass by and greet him) Woman #1: Good morning, Officer Brown. John Brown (Matthew Broderick): Morning. Man #1: Officer Brown, how do you do? Brown: Hey. NC (voiceover): Gah, he hasn’t even said anything and already I hate him. (We jump-cut to a bus driving non-stop as its brakes are out; the passengers are heard screaming. As NC speaks, we are shown Brown stopping the crisis by using a tow truck hook to stop the bus; this heroic deed earns him praise by all the citizens. This sequence is revealed to be a dream; in real life, Brown is shown sleeping in his house, as a dog named Brain is licking him on the lips) NC (voiceover): We see this annoying dream sequence where he (Brown) saves a bus of kids from danger, when we suddenly cut to Cliché #5621: Thinking you’re kissing a woman, when really, you’re kissing an animal. Go, go, Gadget rehash. Brown: (as Brain is licking him on the lips) Brain? (Penny's laughter heard in the background, followed by "wah-wah" music and NC doing the shoulder shrug) Penny (Michelle Trachtenberg): (having just come home) ''Having another hero-cop dream, Uncle John? '''NC (voiceover):' By the way, this is Penny, everybody. Yeah, they couldn’t even get a blond girl to play the part. Brown: They said two years as a security guard isn’t enough experience to be a cop. Penny: Uncle John, I’m sorry. NC (voiceover): And, of course, just like in the show, her parents are... (Cut to a scene from ''Batman (1989), when Bruce Wayne’s parents are murdered in front of his eyes. Penny's face is superimposed over Young Bruce's face)'' NC (voiceover): ...not around. Back to the film. NC (voiceover): And thus, Uncle Gadget, known right now as Uncle Brown, is left alone to take care of her. (Brain is shown) ''This is Brain, who looks nothing like the cartoon, doesn’t talk, so let’s move on. '''Penny': It’s not the badge, it’s the heart behind it. (gives Uncle Brown a hug) I’m very proud of you. (The scene then segues with a wire frame of a robotic leg, cutting to the next scene showing a scientist named Artemis and his daughter, Brenda, trying to test out a robotic foot as a test for the Gadget Program) NC (voiceover): Whoa...oh...whaa! The hell was that? What? Nothing? Anyone? W-we’re not going to address that? Okay, uh, we’ll just come back to that later. We see a scientist (Artemis Bradford), played by Odo from Trek Deep Space Nine (Rene Auberjonois), and his daughter, Brenda (Joely Fisher), as they’re trying to work on a new invention that can control robotic limbs by the power of the mind. Brenda: Tap your foot again. (Artemis taps his foot, but the robotic foot doesn't respond) ''W-What were you thinking about? '''Artemis Bradford:' I was thinking about how much you remind me of your mother. Brenda: That’s it! It’s animated by will, not by thought. By your heart, not your head. NC (voiceover): Oh, I see. So it’s LOVE that fuels scientific-mental, animatronic limb repair! Oh, and this just in: believing in fairies can regenerate dead tissue back to life as well. (Brenda and Artemis happily cheer as the robotic foot successfully responds. The scene then segues with a graphing of the extending Gadget leg, cutting to the next scene showing Brown witnessing Brenda and Artemis' success by security camera) NC: ''(more surprised noises)'' OKAY! TIME OUT! What the hell is that?! Why are there suddenly random things popping up in the segues? (A small montage of the film’s segues are shown) NC: Unless...those are the segues? (More segues are shown) NC: Okay, Film 101, guys. (whimsical music begins to play) When you do a transition, you want something that actually...transitions, not...incredibly distracts from everything. NC (voiceover): You see, guys, when you do something this annoying and this distracting, it doesn’t add to the style, it just takes away from the story...what little there is! NC: I mean, if you’re going to go that far, why not just go all the way? Why don’t you do THIS? (We go back to the earlier scene of Brenda and Artemis celebrating) '' '''Artemis: '''We did it! ''(The film's segue is now replaced by a parody of the ones from ''Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery, with NC replacing Austin Powers as the one dancing in a series of colorful backgrounds. NOTE: These segues will replace the film's segues for the remainder of the review. Back to the film. Brown is shown talking with Brenda outside the laboratory, while nearby, an evil billionaire named Sanford Scolex, played by Rupert Everett, and his lackey, Sikes, activate their plan to steal the robotic foot using a remote-control van)'' NC (voiceover): So Brown, it turns out, is a security guard at the doctor’s place, and often makes chit-chat with the doctor’s daughter, Brenda. But little do they know that the evil Dr. Claw is watching, and ready to steal the robotic foot for his own diabolical needs. Maybe he’s hoping to start an animatronic kickball team. (Scolex’s van crashes through a wall, breaking into the laboratory. A series of tiny robotic vehicles, controlled by Scolex, ride out of the van and into the building to steal the robotic foot. One vehicle brings out a laser and shoots it at Artemis, killing him) NC (voiceover): He zaps the doctor, I think...it’s shot and edited by a monkey...and Brenda comes across the lab and sees what happened. (Brown comes in to see Brenda mourning over her father's body) Brown: Dr. Bradford, I won’t rest until I find whoever’s responsible. Justice will be served. NC: ''(as Brown)'' Look at that. I almost pulled out of my wide-eyed blandness and delivered an actual human emotion, but I pulled back into the blandness just in time. (Chuckles) Oh, uh, that was too much emotion there. Ahem... (Quietly) Just in time. NC (voiceover, in same tone): So Brown goes after the bad guys, to see if he can make justice prevail. (Brown chases after Scolex in his undercover police car. Scolex looks back at him through the back window, his face fully revealed) Scolex: (sarcastically) Oh, no. We’re being chased by the Hatchback Squad. NC (voiceover): Um, were you meaning to keep Dr. Claw in the shadows? ‘Cause you are aware you’re revealing him quite clearly right now. (Scolex presses a button marked "Oil Slick", making oil spill from underneath the limo and cover the ground. Brown's car crashes as a result of the oil and flips over, causing it to careen straight towards a billboard. Cut to Scolex, who's back in the shadows) NC (voiceover): Now he’s back in the shadows again. ARE WE JUST SUPPOSED TO FORGET YOU REVEALED HIM RIGHT THERE?! I mean, we saw it! There’s no surprise now! We know what he looks like! Why put him back in the shadows if you just SHOWED his face? I mean, it’s sort of like starting off the original ''Star Wars'' movie with... (We are shown a scene from ''Star Wars: A New Hope, showing Darth Vader confronting Princess Leia)'' Princess Leia (Carrie Fisher): The Imperial Senate will not distill for this. When they hear you’ve attacked a diplomatic... Darth Vader (dubbed by NC): Don’t talk back to me, young lady. That is no way to speak to your father. (Beat) Oh, shit. You’re not supposed to know that yet. Um, just forget that part, everybody. Totally not important. (Laughs nervously) Uh, Carrie, help. Princess Leia: I don’t know what you’re talking about. Vader: Good, good! Go with that! Take her away! (Walks away as Stormtroopers take Leia away) Dodged a bullet. (Back to the film. Scolex and Sikes start laughing after Brown crashes into the billboard. A text appears down below the scene saying, “FYI - I didn’t put in this sound effect coming up...” The billboard starts tilting down towards Scolex's limo) Sikes: 'Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! ''(Notices the falling billboard) ''Uh-oh. ''(The billboard is shown to be an ad for "Yahoo!" that says "Do you Yahoo?", as the "Yahoo!" jingle is heard. Immediately after that, the billboard crashes into Scolex's car) '''NC: ''(in tune with the "Yahoo!" jingle)'' Prooooooduct whores! NC (voiceover): So Dr. Claw finally reveals himself...again...and uses an explosive to blow him (Brown) up. Scolex: (lights an explosive) Remember, smoking kills! (He laughs evilly as he throws the explosive at Brown. Brown’s car blows up with Brown inside. In the process, one of Brown's bowling balls flies up into the sky and ends up crushing Scolex's hand) NC (voiceover): By the way, did I mention that in the cartoon that Dr. Claw NEVER REVEALS HIMSELF?! And even if he did, would this be at ALL what you imagined he’d look like? NC (as Person A): I imagine he looks like a monster! NC (as Person B): I imagine he looks like a machine! NC (as Person C, with effeminate voice): I imagine he looks like that gay guy from My Best Friend’s Wedding. (Person A and B look at Person C with horror and disgust) NC (as Person C): No one else? (Brown is now in the hospital bed, in a full body cast) NC (voiceover): So the explosion leaves Brown about as broken as his acting. Brenda makes a plea that he always thinks with his heart, so he’d be perfect for their weird-ass little robot operation. Thus, all the doctors come together to put Mr. Brown back together. (Under the watchful eyes of Mayor Brown and Police Chief Quimby, a group of doctors start operating on Brown's body, putting various objects inside. This sequence is shown with music containing samples of the original theme song) NC: What? Were they loading him with cartoon sound effects? Doctors (in unison): Ready, and, BREAK! (The sequence ends, then we are shown another ''Austin Powers ''parody segue, before showing the next scene with Scolex at his lab, his hand being replaced with a moving robotic claw) NC (voiceover): We see that Claw actually HAS a claw now, so he decides to give himself that name. Yeah, I forgot to mention; his name wasn’t actually Claw this whole time; it was Sanford Scolex. Scolex (now will be referred to as Dr. Claw): Just Claw. One word... like Madonna. NC (voiceover): So, let's just recap; Dr. Claw isn’t called Dr. Claw, he doesn’t own a terrorist organization called MAD, he sounds less like a monster and more like a fashion critic, and the fact that you never see him in the show is being replaced with SEEING HIM ALL THE TIME! I mean, WOW; did they get ONE thing right? Why did you change so much? Were you afraid if you stuck too closely to the cartoon, that it wouldn’t be taken as seriously? NC: Need I remind you this movie has scenes like this? (We are briefly shown a later scene where Gadget is inflated and bouncing around a bridge with wacky sound effects added) NC: Yeah; wouldn’t want it to face that! (Back at the hospital, Brown finally wakes up and sees what's been done with his body) NC (voiceover): So Brown wakes up and finds that his entire body is laced with - and let’s be fair here - mostly pointless shit. (Brown’s fingers pop off as random stuff comes out of them, with Brown himself looking amazed.) Brown (now will be referred to as Gadget): What the...? NC (voiceover): Yeah, you’ll never know when you might need a balloon... or bubbles. (“FUCKING BUBBLES!") (A rocket shoots out of Gadget’s sock and flies through the hospital, passing through a room where a woman is working on a computer; the woman screams and falls down. Gadget begins running through the hospital) NC (voiceover): 'Yeah, thank God there’s no security guards looking after this walking human atom bomb. Just let him press the nuclear button; he’ll be fine. ''(Gadget runs into Brenda) '''Brenda: Mr. Brown, you’ve just come out of a very long recovery. You are now a sophisticated network of tissue, hardware, and software. Gadget: (extreme close-up and looking terrified) Nooooo! I gotta get out of here. (His teeth clatter loudly) NC (voiceover): My...God, is he bad! I’m sorry, this guy’s a marvel; truly a gift to bad acting. It’s like, he never knows which delivery to give, so he sort of stops halfway and decides to maybe go with another one...maybe! Gadget: Nooooo! I gotta get out of here. (His teeth clatter loudly) NC: ''(as Gadget)'' Nooooo!? I gotta get out of here. (Clatters his teeth, and gives a thumbs-up with a fake smile) (As Gadget and Brenda are talking, various sound effects are heard in the background, mainly the machinery that's inside Gadget's body) Brenda: I know that this is all new for you, a-and it must...feel strange. NC (voiceover): By the way, you hear those really annoying sound effects that won’t shut the fuck up? Yeah, get used to that, people; it’s all throughout the movie! It’s like he swallowed of... Gerald McBoing Boing or something. Gadget: (from earlier) ''Nooooo! '''NC (voiceover):' So Brenda explains to him exactly how he functions and how they’ll be able to keep him alive. (Brenda is shown revealing to Gadget the new chip that controls his new gadgets and keeps him alive) Brenda: It’s a high-powered, processor chip, that increases the charge in the human brainwave enough to move the machinery that’s now built into your body. NC: (as Brenda) ''But we still can’t make you act. '''Brenda:' Without this chip, your body couldn’t possibly function. Any more questions? Gadget: Nope. Brenda: Then I will just give you your manual to study. (Brenda bends over to grab the manual, as Gadget looks at her behind, making a monkey-screeching sound effect as he does it. He closes his mouth to stop it, alerting Brenda) NC (voiceover): Heart of gold, everybody. He’s so innocent that he actually makes monkey sounds whenever he sees a woman’s behind. Go, go, Gadget hard-on. Gadget: (from earlier) ''Nooooo! ''(Later, Brenda takes Gadget, who's now in his new Gadget suit, outside for a test run) NC (voiceover): She continues to show him how his junk works, and, oddly enough, that’s not as disturbing as it sounds, and Brown tries to get the hang of it. Brenda: There are two guys trying to rob a jewellery store, and you wanted to trip ‘em up. What would you do? (A light bulb built into Gadget’s head emerges from his hat and lights up, with a DING sound heard) Gadget: Go, go, Gadget oil slick. (A buzz sound effect is heard, as a hose emerges from his coat and begins to spray blue toothpaste everywhere, including on Brenda and Gadget himself) Brenda: THAT’S NOT OIL; IT’S TOOTHPASTE! NC (voiceover): Okay. WHY would anyone put that much toothpaste inside of him? I mean, how many emergencies require toothpaste...and why a hose? Is there really a situation where you need to shoot toothpaste from a hose? And why did it come out when he said “oil slick?” NC: AND WHY THE FUCK CAN WE SEE DR. CLAW?! I’m sorry; I’m still on that! (Later, Brenda shows Gadget a new car she made herself, called the Gadgetmobile) NC (voiceover): So he’s introduced to his new set of wheels, a convertible. (Cut to the end of the Barbie convertible commercial) Girl: Wow! (Back to the movie) NC (voiceover): And just to ante up the annoyance in this film, they’re proud enough to have the car voiced by D.L. Hughley. Oh...what a delight. (When Gadget says "Go, go, Gadgetmobile", the Gadgetmobile immediately comes to life) Gadgetmobile (D.L. Hughley): Good morning, Riverton! Hey, who’s in the car? I work alone! (It starts its engine and drives off into the city streets with Gadget still in the driver's seat) ''I’m a crime-fighting machine, watch this! LEFT TURN! Speed limits are for cars, NOT the Gadgetmobile. '''NC:' Guess it could be worse; they could be having Chris Tucker doing the voice of the car. (The sequence of the Gadgetmobile driving around Riverton is shown with NC dubbing over the scene, imitating Chris Tucker) NC (impersonating Chris Tucker, dubbing over the Gadgetmobile): GADGET, LOOK OUT! LOOK OUT, GADGET! OH, MY GOD! LOOK OUT WHEN MAKING A LEFT TURN! LEFT TURN, GADGET! HEY, DON’T YOU TOUCH MY RADIO; DON’T YOU EVER TOUCH A BLACK CAR’S RADIO, BOY! LOOK OUT! CARTOON SOUND EFFECT! SOUND EFFECT, GO! OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD! (Makes unintelligible noises) Gadgetmobile: Who’s not wearing a seatbelt? (Puts seatbelts on Gadget) ''Gotta wear those belts, baby; it’s a Disney movie! '''NC (voiceover):' Oh, now did you see that? A subtle, little wink to the audience to show that IT’S AWARE it’s a Disney movie. Ha-ha-ha...and, of course, when I say a “subtle, little wink,” I mean a “fatal stabbing to the eye with A FUCKING SALAD FORK!” Gadgetmobile: you know what makes me people-sick? A rookie thinking he's good enough for Dr. B! Gadget: Not that it’s any of your business, but what makes you think I was putting the moves on Dr. Bradford? (A thought bubble emerges from Gadget’s head, showing Gadget hanging out with Brenda in a bench) NC (voiceover): The hell- are we in his mind now? Why are in his mind? (The thought bubble disappears) ''All right, now we’re back in the car. '''Gadgetmobile:' Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! (Another thought bubble emerges from Gadget’s head, again showing Gadget hanging out with Brenda, though a rocket suddenly emerges from his hat and fires, destroying a car) NC (voiceover): Oh, wait, now we’re back in his mind? Hey, I got an idea; instead of showing those extra scenes you shot for the movie but had nowhere else to put them, why don’t you focus on something useful, like, I don’t know, getting us to THE FUCKING END CREDITS?! (The Gadgetmobile halts and stops next to a pair of robbers trying to steal a car) Gadget: Whoo! Gadgetmobile: Yo, Clouseau; 9 o’clock! NC (voiceover): So they come across a couple of criminals trying to steal a car, but Brown, of course, thinks they locked themselves out, and actually helps them to steal it. Gadget: Here; this ought to do it. (He unlocks the car with a lock pick built into his left index finger) Criminal A: (nervous laugh) Thanks. NC (voiceover): Truly, they made the right choice in making him the world’s first super cop. Imagine all those intelligent, hard-working officers putting their lives at risk that DON’T deserve such incredible powers. (Scoffs) What a bunch of HACKS! (Gadgetmobile reels a strip of sirens atop his front window, alerting the criminals to run away) Gadget: Hey, what’s the big idea? Gadgetmobile: Open your eyes; we got us a couple of jail breakers. Gadget: Well, then we should inform the prison gua---Wait a minute! (As the Gadgetmobile pursues Criminal B, Gadget pursues Criminal A, bouncing on bouncy coils on the bottom of his shoes) NC (voiceover): By the way, just another pain to bring up in this movie, the editing is TERRIBLE. I mean, AWFUL! Some of the worst I’ve ever seen. Like, watch this shot. Gadget: HALT! (We see Criminal B running in a warehouse, cutting to a close-up extremely quick) NC: Did you see that? How short was that? (The scene and quick edit repeats again) NC (voiceover): One one-thousan--IT WASN’T EVEN HALF A SECOND! What is the point of putting that shot in if you can barely see it? Was there a subliminal message that was trying to be snuck through? NC: Actually, slow it down; let’s take a look. (We are shown that short scene at an extremely slow speed, a text slowly appears and disappears reading, “Matthew Broderick Really IS a Robot!”) NC (voiceover): HA! I KNEW IT! (Gadget eventually catches Criminal A by causing him to trip and fall via grappling hook) NC (voiceover): So they finally catch the bad guys, and Brown is claimed a hero. Later that night, he’s invited to some sort of celebration of the new technology. (At a large party, Brenda approaches Gadget, and taps him on the back, with a gratuitous doorbell sound effect playing as she does) Brenda: ‘Scuse me. NC: I’ll get it. (Leaves the room to go answer his door. A few seconds later, he, extremely ticked off, bolts back after finding out the source of the doorbell) ''WAS THAT ANOTHER SOUND EFFECT!?!?!? '''NC (voiceover):' I mean, really? You gotta put sound effects in even when someone’s getting tapped on the shoulder? What does it add?! How does it tell the story any better! NC: Hell, maybe they’re on to something. Maybe Silence of the Lambs would’ve been a lot more dramatic if they added sound effects. (We are shown a scene from ''The Silence of the Lambs, with Hannibal Lecter (Anthony Hopkins) and Clarice Starling (Jodie Foster) talking. While this is going on, very distracting sound effects play in the background)'' Hannibal Lecter (Anthony Hopkins): What became of your lamb, Clarice? Clarice Starling (Jodie Foster): They killed him. Hannibal: You still wake up sometimes, don’t you? Wake up in the dark and hear the screaming of the lambs? (Baaing is heard upon mention of the word "lambs") Clarice: Yes. Hannibal: Thank you, Clarice. Ssssssssss. (We hear noises of someone taking a crap are heard upon Hannibal’s relief) (Back to the movie. Scolex approaches Brenda and dances with her, inviting her to work for his laboratory, while Gadget attempts to hear the conversation by placing his ear onto a nearby wall as he walks to an eating table) NC (voiceover): So Claw is impressed with Brenda’s work, and offers her a job to work with him. But Gadget doesn’t trust him, and, apparently, doesn’t recognize him, seeing how he clearly saw him blow up his car. So he sets up a listening device that will no doubt led to more irresistible zaniness. (Said zaniness occurs, as the ear flies back to Gadget, spinning his head around and people get surprised from it, afterwards, Gadget readjusts his head) NC (voiceover): You know, I think I figured out the formula for this movie. It took me a while, but I think I’ve got it down: Poorly edited slapstick, followed by weird wide-angle shot of some guy going “HUUH!?”, and Matthew Broderick looking like an idiot. NC: Yeah; let’s try it. Let’s see if that works. (We are shown three different scenes, first the scene with Gadget dreaming about saving the bus, then the s''cene with Gadget in the Gadgetmobile dodging a guy in a zamboni as the Gadgetmobile rises upwards to do so, and back to the current scene of Gadget's ear knocking him to the ground and causing his head to spin around. All throughout these three scenes, we are shown some comedic slapstick, an extra looking in confusion in a close-up, and a shot of Gadget)' '''NC (voiceover):' Slapstick, HUUH!?, idiot. Slapstick, HUUH!?, idiot. Slapstick, HUUH!?, idiot. Well, you can’t fault a formula when it works...except, of course, when it doesn’t work, and it’s annoying as FUCK! (Gadget approaches Chief Quimby as they pose for some photos) Gadget: When do I get started on my big case?.'' '''Chief Quimby (Dabney Coleman):' Oh-ho, soon enough, Gadget. I have a few assignments for you to, uh...cut your teeth on first. (We are shown another ''Austin Powers parody segue, the last one in the review, before we are shown Gadget, having spent several weeks performing various small jobs, deciding to solve the Bradford case himself)'' NC (voiceover): So Brown gets his nickname, Inspector Gadget, but still wants to get closer to finding out who killed Brenda’s father. He takes a look at the only clue from the scene of the crime, and sees a small “SI” imprinted on it. (Cut to Gadget riding in the Gadgetmobile along with Penny and Brain) Gadget: But what else could “SI” stand for? Space Invaders? Penny: Nah. Gadget: Scuba Instructor? (A van pulls up beside the Gadget Mobile, with the decal of Scolex Industries on it (aka SI); Penny points this out to Gadget) Penny: Ohh, what about that? Gadget: “Scolex Industries." NC (voiceover): Oh, well, thank God they came across that. Lord knows it could be ANYTHING ELSE in the entire world! NC (as Gadget): “SI?” What could it mean? NC (voiceover, as Penny): Hey, Uncle Gadget; look at that truck. NC (as Gadget): Ah! Of course; Sports Illustrated! (Picture of a yellow Sports Illustrated truck flashes up on screen) They must’ve stolen that foot for their brand-new “Foot Fetish Edition.” Away, Tucker Mobile! NC (voiceover, as Gadgetmobile in Chris Tucker’s voice): TUCKAAAA!!!! (We are shown Gadget breaking into Scolex's lab and trying to recover the robotic foot) NC (voiceover): But it turns out he’s right, as he finds the foot heavily protected and tries to break it out. Gadget: (grabs robotic foot) Gotcha! (Suddenly, alarms go off, causing Gadget to accidentally fall onto the floor, waking up Sikes, while Gadget attempts to use blades to escape) NC (voiceover): And once again, the formula: slapstick, HUUH!?, idiot! Oh, did I also forget to mention an uncomfortable void of nobody laughing? (Gadget attempts to rollerblade out of the facility, but fails and crashes. Later, we see Gadget being held captive with his body open, with Claw inspecting it) NC (voiceover): So Gadget gets caught, and Claw reveals his evil plan, along with probably the worst fourth wall joke you will ever see. Gadget: I don’t what you’re up to, Scolex, but you’ll never get away with it. Dr. Claw: (chuckles) ''Oh, how cliché, Inspector. I think somebody’s been watching too many Saturday morning cartoons. ''(We hear a ding sound effect, followed by Claw, Gadget and Claw's assistant Kramer briefly looking at the camera, as we cut to Sikes, who makes a confused face) ''Unfortunately, Gadget... '''NC (voiceover):' Woooow...terrible! I mean, ungodly half-assed. No effort was put into that...at all. That has got to be the WORST fourth wall joke in a movie since... Gadgetmobile: It’s a Disney movie! NC: ...THAT ONE! (Claw reveals to Gadget that, having used Brenda's data, he has created an eviler version of Inspector Gadget called RoboGadget to cause chaos to Riverton) NC (voiceover): So Claw shows him that he’s made another Inspector Gadget, only this one’s EEEEVIL, and, surprisingly, an even worse performance. (RoboGadget, also played by Matthew Broderick, is seen rampaging through Riverton in a Godzilla-like manner) NC (voiceover, as RoboGadget): THAT’S A LOT OF FIIIIIISH! NC (voiceover, normal voice): As he wreaks havoc on the city, Dr. Claw removes the chip that keeps Gadget alive, taking away his only means of breathing. Dr. Claw: (evil laugh) Goodbye, Mr. Chip. (He presses a button on his claw, and the claw slams shut, destroying the chip) NC (voiceover): By the way, am I the only one that thinks Broderick dead looks exactly the same as Broderick alive? NC: I didn’t think so. (At the junkyard, while the city is under attack, Penny, Brenda, Brain and the Gadgetmobile discover Gadget's body) NC (voiceover): So Penny and Brenda locate him in the junkyard, and try to see if they can bring him back to life. Brenda: The NSA chip is gone. Penny: He doesn’t need the chip. He’s got the heart...he can do it all by himself. NC (voiceover, as Penny): Well, bye; let me know how that all turns out. (Gadget’s gizmos slowly begin to work again, his head fixes back into place, as small samples of the show theme begins to play, indicating that he’s alive. The Gadgetmobile notices this, too) Brenda: John? Penny: Uncle John? Brenda: John, can you hear us? Penny: He’s alive. (The Hallelujah Chorus plays) Gadget: Brenda. Brenda: You’re alive. I-It’s a miracle. NC (voiceover): That’s right. Even though it defies everything logical and everything scientific, Inspector Gadget comes back to life simply through the will of heart. NC: (waiting on someone to appear) I said “simply through the will of heart.” (Still waiting) “Simply through the will of heart!” ...Excuse me. (He leaves the room. In another room, Ma-Ti, played by special effects editor for NC’s videos, Bhargav Dronamraju, is sitting down with a cup of coffee and a book, as "Dance of the Hours" plays in the background. Ma-Ti (Bhargav Dronamraju): Ah, Jane Austen, you’re so frightfully witty, and ahead of your time. (Takes a sip of his coffee) (NC enters, shaking Ma-Ti, making him spill his coffee) NC: SAY IT! SAY IT! SAY THE FUCKING LINE! Ma-Ti: What is wrong with you? NC: SAY IT, SAY IT, SAY IT RIGHT NOW! Ma-Ti: Oh, my God, it’s'' Inspector Gadget'', for God’s sake! NC: JUST SAY IT! SAY THE FUCKING LINE! COME ON! SAY IT, SAY IT, SAY IT! Ma-Ti: I don’t wanna say it. NC: SAY IT RIGHT NOW! SAY IT, YOU MONKEY! SAY IT! Ma-Ti: All right, HEART! (NC runs off back to his room) ''Is that all I’m good for, you freak?! ''(Places down his book and slowly leaves the room as well) (Back to the film. A recovered Gadget, along with Brenda and the Gadgetmobile, pursue Claw's limo, while dropping off Penny and Brain at their home) NC (voiceover): So the team gets together to stop Dr. Claw. First, they drop off Penny...yeah, ‘cause it’s not like she did much in the show...and they track down Dr. Claw’s limo. Gadget: Now! (Brenda hits the brakes, launching Gadget off the Gadgetmobile, and through the back window of Dr. Claw’s limo, where RoboGadget and Dr. Claw are sitting) Gadget: GOTCHA! You’re under arrest for the murder of Artemis Bradford, Scolex. Dr. Claw: God, you’re irritating. NC: I actually think that was the critic’s quote on the DVD. (We are shown the film's DVD cover with the line "God, you're irritating" shown as a quote credited to Roger Ebert) NC (voiceover): Huh; look at that. (Gadget punches his evil clone and hits a light, knocking him off the limo. The two Gadgets fight each other around the bridge, until Gadget gains the upper hand and takes off RoboGadget's head) NC (voiceover): So the two Gadgets fall out of the car, and have a fight with each other. It’s pretty lame, and not the least bit funny, but...no, there’s no “but” after that. RoboGadget: We shouldn’t be fighting. (Gadget picks up his head) ''We’ve got a lot in common, except I got nicer teeth. I hoped that we could’ve worked together; been partners. Together, you and I could’ve... ''(Mimics a British accent) ...ruuuuled the world. (The clip of M. Bison saying “OF COURSE!” attempts to budge into the video, but NC slaps it away) NC: It’s not worth it. NC (voiceover): So he tosses the villain into the ocean right before saying... NC: ...oh, let me guess... NC and Gadget: (in unison) You should’ve quit while you’re ahead. (Rimshot sound effect is heard, with NC making the motion of hitting cymbals) NC: ...and goes after Dr. Claw, who, of course, has captured Brenda. (Gadget, flying in his helicopter hat, confronts Claw, who is trying to escape in a helicopter with a captive Brenda) Gadget: YOU ARE UNDER ARREST! (Claw fires a rocket from his helicopter at Gadget, destroying Gadget’s copterhat) Brenda: NO!! Dr. Claw: GO, GO, GO, GO, GADGET! AH-HA! (Sticks his tongue out at Gadget) NC (voiceover): Gah, I’m sorry; I still can't get over how much this guy has nothing to do with Dr. Claw, the main villain of the show. He seems more like one of Dr. Claw’s henchmen than he does the actual mastermind. (We are shown the animated show's Dr. Claw looking at a monitor, which is showing several clips of Claw from the movie) Dr. Claw (movie): I'M READY TO BINGE! HA-HA-HA! Dr. Claw (cartoon): Who is that? Dr. Claw (movie): BRING ON THE BROWNIES! HA! Dr. Claw (cartoon): What are you doing? Dr. Claw (movie): (mockingly) GO, GO, GADGET! Dr. Claw (cartoon): You’re supposed to be disposing of Gadget! Dr. Claw (movie): Sit back and relax, darling. (Clicks tongue and kisses the air, supposedly towards the cartoon Dr. Claw) Dr. Claw (cartoon): What? How dare you! (Eventually, Gadget uses an improvised weapon to forcibly activate Claw's claw, breaking the helicopter's control stick and causing it to go out of control. Gadget and Brenda use a parasol to escape safely, and Claw lands via parachute but is captured by the Gadgetmobile, and arrested by the police, as Claw's crimes had been revealed) '' '''NC (voiceover):' So as you’d imagine, Gadget gets Brenda off the helicopter and Claw ejects himself just to be caught by the car. (Gadget and Brenda begin happily walking away, while a captured Claw vows revenge) Dr. Claw: Arrivederci, Gadget! This is NOT goodbye. I’ll get you next time, Gadget! I’ll get you! NC: Ah, Jesus. You know, if you want a movie that’s actually more faithful to the essence of the villain, you’d be better off with this. (We are shown a scene from ''Liar Liar with Cary Elwes' character Jerry trying to impress Max)'' Jerry: It’s the CLAAAAW! Ha-ha! Ooh, the Claw’s coming at ya! Ooh, you’re scared of the Claw! You’re scared of the Claw! (The movie's end credits begin rolling) NC (voiceover): And thus, we finally end the movie. Thank God, I don’t think I could take any more of... (In the credits, it cuts to a scene of Robo Brenda, a robotic duplicate of Brenda, who is also played by Joely Fisher, as an aerobic teacher) Robo Brenda (Joely Fisher): And welcome to Robo Brendaerobics, where I’ll be your host, Robo Brenda. (Begins to spin on the spot) (The credits resume rolling) NC (voiceover): Okay, NOW it’s the end of the m... (Another scene cut in the middle of the credits is shown, this time showing the headless body of RoboGadget covered in toothpaste running around the street. NC (voiceover): What...ya...but... (The scene continues for a short while, as NC looks annoyed and disgusted, eventually ending with RoboGadget crashing into the camera) NC (voiceover): Okay, NOOOW it’s the end of the m... (Yet another cut, this time showing Sikes attending a Minion Recovery Group session) NC (voiceover): --OH, COME ON! Sikes: My name is Sikes. Minions: (in unison) Hi, Sikes. (The credits resume rolling) NC (voiceover): Okay, NOOOW it’s the end of the mo-- (YET ANOTHER cut, this time to Penny and Brain testing out the video watches used in the show) NC (voiceover): --JEEESUS!! Penny: This is the coolest watch; it’s a radio, computer, even a phone. Brain, say something. (Brain, bonking his head on the table above him, speaks) Brain: (voiced by the original Inspector Gadget, Don Adams) Brain is not here! NC: (surprised at Don Adams’ cameo) Complete waste of a great talent, but, whatever, FINE; at least now it’s finally ove-- (The credits briefly disappear to show the animated Gadgetmobile head speaking to the viewers) NC (voiceover): --OH... MY... GOD!!!! NC: This…this is beyond desperate. NC (voiceover): You guys are really trying to get at least one laugh. Anything, any measly little piece of shit giggle you can think of. I mean, really; you’re trying everything! You’re trying every last minute piece of shit giggle that you can get out of us. You are that needy for us to like something in this movie! NC: (flipping the bird three times) Well, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU! DESPERATE IS THE PERFECT WORD TO DESCRIBE THIS MOVIE!! (Footage from the film plays again as NC gives his final thoughts) NC (voiceover): It throws every bottom-of-the-barrel joke, every overused sound effect, every tired slapstick routine, and every over-the-top reaction in the sad hopes of getting a laugh...and not ONE of them works; not ONE! It’s edited horribly, it’s acted horribly, it has little to do with the show, and the stuff that it does have to do with the show, it’s a complete slap in the face. It’s just crap; total, total CRAP! NC: And if I were you, I would go back to the video store and get your fucking money back! GO, GO, GADGET REFUND! (A cash register sound effect is heard) I'm the Nostalgia Critic! I remember it so you don't have to! (He gets up and leaves as the cash register sound effect plays again. A caption is shown saying, "SEE? I CAN USE SOUND EFFECTS, TOO!") THE END 'Channel Awesome Tagline: Gadgetmoblie: '''It's a Disney movie! Note: The Nostalgia Critic later ranked ''Inspector Gadget as the sixth worst film he's ever reviewed. Category:Content Category:Guides Category:The Nostalgia Critic Transcripts Category:Nostalgia Critic Category:Disney Category:Transcripts